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Kitten (Inhalant)
A kitten is an inhalant drug used in the practice of kitten huffing, the inhalation of the kitten's soul. Though it was originally the term for a cat's offspring, "kitten" has involved into a term for inhaling the new street drug known as kitten. What is this "kitten" drug, you ask? It's just that, a kitten. Preparation Kitten huffing is a practice in which the user inhales a kitten. There are generally five steps to kitten huffing: 1) Obtain a relatively large roll of cigarette paper 2) Obtain a fresh, live kitten 3) Insert kitten into paper and roll up 4) Inhale and hold your breath for 3-6 seconds 5) Release kitten While that is the technique known as "Rolling Kitty", "Cigarcat", and "Kittenjuana", there are other such techniques including simply using just a kitten. This technique is one step shorter. 1) Obtain a kitten 2) Insert kitten into mouth 3) Inhale and hold breath for 4-7 seconds 4) Release kitten Preparing Tastes When you preparing to inhale the kitten's soul, you must consider certain variables such as which technique you will use and what flavor you kitten is. Kittens come in several different flavors, such as the butterscotch shorthair tabby or the peppery alley cat. These are typically sold by kitten dealers by hand but classy kitten flavors are sold in bottles. Bottled kittens are pricey but are effective. They are sometimes sold with flavor-enhancing condiments like KittySalt, CalicoMayo, and ChocoCatSyrup. Effects Normal effects Kitten huffing produces a euphoria that is widely believed to be the exhiliration of sucking out the cat's soul. This can cause damaging effects on the kitten itself. Kitten huffers often undergo a constant craving for vanilla pudding that is difficult to ever satiate at any given time. Therefore, possessing at least twenty pounds of vanilla pudding can land you in prison because it is admissible in court as definitive proof of a kitten huffing addiction. This has caused the Mafia to enter the vanilla pudding business. Abnormal effects Certain effects are abnormal but not unheard of, such as a speed-typing addiction and/or head explosion. Head explosion has only occured twice in the period of time between 1983 and 2010. Pharmacodynamic effects Pharmacodynamic effects, well... it's basically just fancy talk for "what drugs do to your body". Smart people might comprehend the picture of kitten huffing pharmacodynamics. Long-term effects *Kitten Hallucinations *Coughing up hairballs *Involuntary Meowing *A strange hunger when seeing Mickey Mouse *Fear of dogs *Fear of water *Fear of dogs in water *A fascination with string and/or tinsel *Inability to drink out of anything other than a saucer Where to Find Kittens Kittens are often sold on the street. The streets of Louisana and Manhattan are popular kitten-selling markets. Kittens can also be obtained by purchasing a wild kitten plant over the Internet. These kitten plants are illegal, so addicts must take caution. Some addicts have made the sad mistake of retrieving dead kittens from graveyards. Huffing dead kittens causes the soul of the kitten to haunt the inhaler forever. Kitten Storage Kittens are best for use when preserved and fresh. Refridgeration is not recommended as this solidifies the kitten and makes it more difficult to inhale. Dealers and addicts suggest air-conditioned kitten storage boxes to preserve the kittens. It is also recommended that the kitten should be declawed before usage. Remember that kittens must be fed and watered regularly to keep them at their best. Getting to know your kitten improves the soul-inhaling experience. Experts suggest dangling string in front of them or training them to form eight-foot high pyramids. Warnings *Consider your safety when inhaling adult lions *Practically everything mentioned in this article is illegal *Do not inhale dead cats *Do not refridgerate kittens *Do not get kittens wet *Do not expose kittens to bright light *Do not feed kittens after midnight